Marh 25th, 6:30pm; 9:30am

Well my car is screwed. Dad says that its not worth piling money into a car that isn't worth it. I agree but I can't help but feel like some force builds me up and creates all this goodness and then stands back and shoots at me. Sometimes I can see the shots taken at me and how I dodged them but other times its a slow bleed. I know I've been dealt a wound but don't know how bad it is until later.

So here I stand on the brink. To my left is failure; a cliff of lost dreams, mementos, destroyed machinery, and corpses. If I fall left, I won't go to Japan, my parents will charge me for everything, and I'll be forced to endure their low blows until I somehow make enough money to pay them off and get a vehicle. To my right is a brighter future. But it is covered in rain and pitfalls. If I fall right, I will go to Japan, get into debt, and hopefully become successful. Debt will be large. I will put my entire education and travel expenses into it. I will dodged their lashing tails and traps. But once I get past the rain, the future awaits. The bright future is farther now than ever.

Before now it was right there, a tangible dream. I could walk into it with no turbulence. I now know those bullets that were meant for me are now hitting those I care about. My parents are going down into a dark era of uncertainty for me. Now that I have fallen down with them, I can feel the pressure. Like a mist growing deeper and deeper, the pressure builds. They've been helping me to keep the mist off but its too late now.

So now I stand as a boy clothed as a man. One month before 19 years old, I destroy my car in the simplest of stupid mistakes.

- - -

Well I just came back from eating and don't feel sad anymore. So yeah. Gonna have to start biking or something stupid. I'll look for a public transportation thing. Maybe I'll have to buy a new tire for my bike. Whatever. For now its spring break and I'm going to have fun.

Free car didn't even last 2 years in my hands. I'm sorry grandma. I know you expected more from me and I screwed up. I'm sorry for breaking Lil' Red.