April 26th 10:49pm; 1:49pm

So let it be known that this weekend was the final weekend of Casey's deck. With all remains banished to the garbage pile, its just a cement patio now.

I also finished my stages of "Big Event". Every time a big event happens, I go through several phases.

1. Ignoring the event.
So I do my normal stuff until the next stage hits.

2. Devastating Event
Such as my car breaking.

3. Self Sabotage
Such as me pissing off my mom and making stupid mistakes along the way.

4. Depression
Is this really the right decision? That money could help me in so many other ways. ARG!

5. Acceptance and Determination
This is a once in a lifetime experience. Even if the money could be put to better use, it won't make my life richer. So I put together a list of things that must be done and am going to do them Monday.

I am thankful for everything everyone has done for me. Without this trip, my car wouldn't be broken, I would not have saved my money, I would be skating through school giving the same average amount of effort.

Everytime I hear this song, I feel like crying.

Adam's Song by Blink 182

"I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest who'd have known
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine, I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed, to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone

I never conquered, rarely came
Tomorrow just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, time goes by
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone"

This is a song about suicide . . . and suicide is for the weak. Those who don't have enough willpower to tough out the hard times. There are people who have watched their families die of starvation in front of them, your forefathers gave their blood for you.

It sounds heartless but so do a lot of truths. Suicide is for the weak, the dumb, and the idle. There are times to die and because you feel life isn't going your way isn't one of them. It is time to die when you stand up for what you believe in. It's time to die when protecting something you love. And not the trashy love. The true love. The love between brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers.

If anyone sees any signs of depression or mental unstability, don't ignore it. One person's kind words can help. Today I felt like shit. I felt the world close up on me, a gaping maw of a dead-end future ready to swallow me up. Well then some kind words were said. Said I was a doing a good job and I put my all in my work. It came from someone who doesn't judge people lightly, someone who I put a lot of trust in.

This is when the depression stage broke away and the determination stage came back...with a vengeance.

If you see someone in need, never ignore them, never assume that they are okay or someone has already helped them, never let an opportunity to save a life slip away.

I don't think people understand how huge a life is. A life is so big, it literally affects everyone world wide. Every choice affects people's moods, actions, feelings, and views. The world is a circle and eventually you'll find your decisions take form.

I got a couple more views on...
Guns - the coward's weapon
Social Dissonance - when you forget people are alive
Media Scare Tactics - making you believe everyone is a murderer since the 2001
Blind Ignorance - when logic denies faith, you'll choose faith
Life or Death Situation - everyone thinks they will act the right way

I'll hopefully look back on this post and type about this stuff.

Before you go, remember the Virginia Tech Massacre could have been prevented by kind words.

"I never conquered, rarely came
Tomorrow just held such better days"